Sunday, September 11, 2011

Falling off the wagon

I don't know how it happened, but it did.  I totally fell off the wagon.  I could use the excuse that life got in the way, but really, my friends know I am on-line ALL the TIME!

A lot has happened since my last post.  I need to fill you all in. 

I will, promise! 


Monday, January 3, 2011

Reflextions & Resolutions

As the new year begins, we often reflect on the year that has just passed.  I've never been good at keeping my New Years resolutions, but I am gonna try like I never have before.

So what ARE my resolutions?  How much time do you have?  OK,OK, seriously I do have a few, but I'll just bore you with the big ones.  First is getting back into the healthy lifestyle I lived before Robert died.  I am one of those people who have always struggled with weight.  I know what I need to do to stay healthy,but the past 2 years I've been in a self loathing mode.  Eating & drinking too much.  Not exercising at all.  I know I can do, I've done it a few times in my life & I always feel so much better physically & emotionally when I am at a healthier weight. 

Since I am pregnant, I cannot hit the gym like I'd like, but I will have the healthiest pregnancy to date.  I have to.  I have been blessed with this baby & I am going to do all I can to achieve that. The doctor has told me I cannot gain more than 20lbs this time around.  That is gonna be tough.  With both The Princess & Robert I gained 50lbs.  When I got pregnant with both of them I was at a weight my body was comfortable with.  I was going to the gym a lot.  With this baby, I was the heaviest I have ever been in my life, well over 200lbs.  I had actually lost a little bit of weight right before I found out about this little Jelly Bean,but still weighted more then I did both times I delivered.  It's gonna be tough, but this is a big one I need to keep.

Another resolution is more of a goal.  Last year I decided I wanted to run a 5k...well a 5k in Walt Disney World.  I let my grief, depression & anxiety run my life.I know this is not something that I may accomplish before 2011 ends, but I want to be on my way to achieving it.  Once the baby is born, diet, exercise & training will be #1 ~ after family of course!

Lastly, I want to be a better blogger.  Blogging has been such wonderful & Free therapy for me.  Through blogging I have found some wonderful people out there on the Internet who have given me such hope & encouragement.  If I can help someone by sharing my story the way my Internet friends have helped me this will all be worth it.

Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year ~ New Beginings

All my blogger friends are doing "A Year in Review."  Wish I had gotten that memo I might have had something Epic to write.  I have an jackhammer type headache so I probably won't be as funny as I could be, but here goes.

2010 ~ will I miss you? Yes & No.  You were filled with some pretty awesome times & some that totally sucked ass!!  I'll try & focus on the positive.

The beginning of 2010 was crazy, but in that full of the awesome kinda way.  we had our first Big fundraiser for SUDC in Robert's memory & we totally kicked ass ~ like raised well over $10,000 in one night at the Beef & Beer.  we also had another cornhole tournament that raised a boat load of money too!  Have I told you guys how much my friends kick ass?  OK MY FRIENDS ROCK!!!  We could not have done either one without them@

I went away on a Girls Only Trip to Walt Disney World with one of my best friends in the spring & it was wonderful.  Disney is my Happy Place ~ I really wanna live there, but sadly they won't let me.  While I missed my Hubby & the Princess tons, it was nice to have some Me time.  Some thing I have kinda neglected lately.

For our family vacation this year we went on a Real Family vacation (my Whole family!!).  We went to Maine, just like when we younger.  My parents, my sister  (her boy friend & my 2 nephews), me, Hubby, The Princess & my step-son all in one cabin on Sebec Lake, Maine.  I loved sharing one of my favorite place with my family.  Not to mention all the Lobster ~ OMFG (I am drooling just thinking about it).

The Fall gave us the biggest surprise of all.  I am pregnant! The Hubby & I were in shock for a while, but now that I am in my second trimester we are over the moon with excitement.  Even the Princess is excited.  Just today at the Farmer's Market she kissed my baby bump while we were waiting for our number to be called at the meat counter.

I am looking forward to what 2011 has in store for us.  I'm sure it will be crazy & emotional, but I am ready for  whatever it has in store for me.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Traditions from Sorrow

2 years ago yesterday we buried my little boy. I had not even realized what day it was until we were at the mall turning in our Salvation Army Angel Tree gifts.  A tradition that was born when I was at the mall looking for a dress to wear to my son's funeral.

We walked out of Penny's & there was the Angel Tree.  The fist tag I saw was for a little boy Robert's age.  I immediately took it off the tree.  I had bought a ton of new clothes & lots of toys for Robert.  We returned a few days later with a Huge contractors bag filled with gifts for this little boy.  At least I knew someone was going to have a Merry Christmas that year.

We had been "adopting" an Angel from the Salvation Army Tree for about 3 years before that day.  My step-son's school had a tree in their lobby & we always picked a little boy that was the same age he was at the time.  I would take my step-son & the Princess with me when we went shopping for the angel.  I always wanted them to know that Christmas was not just about getting, but giving as well.

This tradition was different.  I always pick a little boy who is the same age Robert would be on that Christmas.  We give the gifts in memory of Robert & that is always how I fill out the donation card.

My heart beamed when this year the Princess said to me "Mommy I wanna give the bag to the lady at the table."  She lifted the bag that was pretty much as big as she is onto the table & smiled a huge smile.  "Here are Jason's Christmas presents!" 

I started to cry.  I cried for Jason's family; knowing how hard it is to give your children a Merry Christmas & still be able to pay the bills.  I cried because yet again my daughter showed me that I am doing a good job as a parent.  She has an even bigger heart than her Momma & that is just amazing for a 6 year old. 

Most of all I cried for my Bubby.  I should be buying him Christmas presents, picking out a Christmas outfit to match the Princess.  Not picking out flowers for his grave or figuring out what to do for his grave blanket this year.  I pray Jason & his family have a very Merry Christmas this year.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

2nd Sunday in December


On the second sunday of December in 2008 Robert did not wake up.

I woke this morning in tears, reliving 2 years ago.

Tonight at 7 pm I light my candle in memory of my son.

The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting

Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting 7 p.m. second Sunday in December around the globe is to honor and remember children who have died.