Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Traditions from Sorrow
2 years ago yesterday we buried my little boy. I had not even realized what day it was until we were at the mall turning in our Salvation Army Angel Tree gifts. A tradition that was born when I was at the mall looking for a dress to wear to my son's funeral.
We walked out of Penny's & there was the Angel Tree. The fist tag I saw was for a little boy Robert's age. I immediately took it off the tree. I had bought a ton of new clothes & lots of toys for Robert. We returned a few days later with a Huge contractors bag filled with gifts for this little boy. At least I knew someone was going to have a Merry Christmas that year.
We had been "adopting" an Angel from the Salvation Army Tree for about 3 years before that day. My step-son's school had a tree in their lobby & we always picked a little boy that was the same age he was at the time. I would take my step-son & the Princess with me when we went shopping for the angel. I always wanted them to know that Christmas was not just about getting, but giving as well.
This tradition was different. I always pick a little boy who is the same age Robert would be on that Christmas. We give the gifts in memory of Robert & that is always how I fill out the donation card.
My heart beamed when this year the Princess said to me "Mommy I wanna give the bag to the lady at the table." She lifted the bag that was pretty much as big as she is onto the table & smiled a huge smile. "Here are Jason's Christmas presents!"
I started to cry. I cried for Jason's family; knowing how hard it is to give your children a Merry Christmas & still be able to pay the bills. I cried because yet again my daughter showed me that I am doing a good job as a parent. She has an even bigger heart than her Momma & that is just amazing for a 6 year old.
Most of all I cried for my Bubby. I should be buying him Christmas presents, picking out a Christmas outfit to match the Princess. Not picking out flowers for his grave or figuring out what to do for his grave blanket this year. I pray Jason & his family have a very Merry Christmas this year.
We walked out of Penny's & there was the Angel Tree. The fist tag I saw was for a little boy Robert's age. I immediately took it off the tree. I had bought a ton of new clothes & lots of toys for Robert. We returned a few days later with a Huge contractors bag filled with gifts for this little boy. At least I knew someone was going to have a Merry Christmas that year.
We had been "adopting" an Angel from the Salvation Army Tree for about 3 years before that day. My step-son's school had a tree in their lobby & we always picked a little boy that was the same age he was at the time. I would take my step-son & the Princess with me when we went shopping for the angel. I always wanted them to know that Christmas was not just about getting, but giving as well.
This tradition was different. I always pick a little boy who is the same age Robert would be on that Christmas. We give the gifts in memory of Robert & that is always how I fill out the donation card.
My heart beamed when this year the Princess said to me "Mommy I wanna give the bag to the lady at the table." She lifted the bag that was pretty much as big as she is onto the table & smiled a huge smile. "Here are Jason's Christmas presents!"
I started to cry. I cried for Jason's family; knowing how hard it is to give your children a Merry Christmas & still be able to pay the bills. I cried because yet again my daughter showed me that I am doing a good job as a parent. She has an even bigger heart than her Momma & that is just amazing for a 6 year old.
Most of all I cried for my Bubby. I should be buying him Christmas presents, picking out a Christmas outfit to match the Princess. Not picking out flowers for his grave or figuring out what to do for his grave blanket this year. I pray Jason & his family have a very Merry Christmas this year.
Monday, December 6, 2010
It was bound to happen
My memories of the day Robert died fall into 2 catagories, those that are burned into mind forever & those that are kinda fuzzy ~ like looking through smugged glasses. I am VERY thankful for the smugged ones. They are no where near as stressful to me as the ones that are clear. There were SO many cops, paramedics, family, detectives in the house it was crazy. I remember some of the people who showed up at the hospital, but wouldn't know the hospital staff that helped us if I ran into them again.
But, one person's face I will never forget is the first cop through the door that morning. As I type my mind is replaying the seconds that it took him to get from his car to the door. How I handed Robert to him & all I could get out was "help him." After the cop gave Robert to the paramedics he was in the hallway, between my bedroom (where the Princess was) & the bathroom. I shoved him out of the way as I ran into the bathroom to vomit as I heard the paramedics say words I'd heard on CSI & NCIS. I knew what they were saying, Robert was too far gone for them to do anything. Poor Princess, she thought the cop had shoved me because I fell on my way into the bathroom & then crawled to the toilet. she was afraid of anyone in uniform for a long time.
At some point when we were at the hospital, waiting, I heard my Hubby tell his First Sergant "Cooper was the first one in."
"You know him" I asked the Hubby.
"Yeah, he is in the Unit." Hubby replyed.
Fuck! I will see this cop all the time. How the hell am I gonna do that?
It's been almost 2 years since I saw Cooper, in person anyway. I saw him yesterday at the Hubby's Holiday Meal. I lost it. As soon as I saw his face I KNEW it was him. I could barely get the words out to ask the Hubby if that was the right Cooper (there are a few in the Unit), but I knew. I couldn't stop crying & panic started to set in ~ bad. I will never forget Cooper's face.
But, one person's face I will never forget is the first cop through the door that morning. As I type my mind is replaying the seconds that it took him to get from his car to the door. How I handed Robert to him & all I could get out was "help him." After the cop gave Robert to the paramedics he was in the hallway, between my bedroom (where the Princess was) & the bathroom. I shoved him out of the way as I ran into the bathroom to vomit as I heard the paramedics say words I'd heard on CSI & NCIS. I knew what they were saying, Robert was too far gone for them to do anything. Poor Princess, she thought the cop had shoved me because I fell on my way into the bathroom & then crawled to the toilet. she was afraid of anyone in uniform for a long time.
At some point when we were at the hospital, waiting, I heard my Hubby tell his First Sergant "Cooper was the first one in."
"You know him" I asked the Hubby.
"Yeah, he is in the Unit." Hubby replyed.
Fuck! I will see this cop all the time. How the hell am I gonna do that?
It's been almost 2 years since I saw Cooper, in person anyway. I saw him yesterday at the Hubby's Holiday Meal. I lost it. As soon as I saw his face I KNEW it was him. I could barely get the words out to ask the Hubby if that was the right Cooper (there are a few in the Unit), but I knew. I couldn't stop crying & panic started to set in ~ bad. I will never forget Cooper's face.
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