Thursday, August 20, 2009

Out of the Mouths of Babe's

The other day Princess B & I were swimming with my SIL & my neice & nephew. My nephew is around 21 1/2months old now. It was the first time he "noticed" Robert's angel tattoo on my back while we were swimming that day. MY SIL & niece went into the house for a potty break & I was watching Princess B & Bubby's "twin." There are days where I see so much of my little man in my nephew that I truly believe that they really are twins & that my SIL & I were blessed with one each! Anyway, the kids were taking turns jumping into the pool & I would catch them. After my nephew jumped in he swam around to my back. Then I noticed the lightest little pat on my tattoo. I turned around to see Bubby's twin patty the tat, looked up at me & said clear as can be to me "Robert!" My nephew smiled, then hugged my back then swam back up to the ladder to take his turn jumping in the pool. I could not believe he did that. As soon as my SIL came back out to the pool I told her what happened. She looked at me & said "really? at home he points to Robert's pictures & says 'Me' " Even yesterday we "tested" this. We asked my nephew who was in the Christmas picture on the wall & sure enough he pointed to Robert,said "me" then pointed to himself "me." Immediately after my SIL asked him whose picture was on Aunt Heather's back "Robert." You can't tell me he doesn't remember his twin!!!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Bitter ~ Party of One

I had 2 other really good blogs in mind for today; one was very warm & fuzzy about my 3 BFF's & the other about my nephew,but all that changed a few minutes ago when I found out someone I know is pregnant again. Yeah, yeah, I should be happy for them & I actually have three other friends that are pregnant right now that I am sooo incredibly happy for, but this one, well it just boils my blood. There I admit it, I am PISSED, MAD, probably even Jealous that this couple is having another baby. Why do I feel this way, other than the fact that I cannot have another baby short of us winning tonight's Power Ball to pay for my Hubby's vasectomy reversal & fertility treatments or a miracle from God (& since we are still technically on that break I don't see THAT happening anytime soon!) - this could take a while, so grab a cup of coffee, or like me an Adult Beverage and read on........

I am really struggling with people who have kids that, well shouldn't. Kinda like the Octomom. Have you seen her "preview" on the web about her new reality show. She finally admits she is selfish & was only thinking about herself when she had all of her embryos implanted. Wasn't thinking about her older children, how they would be affected, or even the babies she was carrying!!!

I also have a BIG problem with Dr. Drew's Mtv show "16 & Pregnant." Now I have never watched it, but I am sorry paying a high school sophomore to be followed around during their pregnancy & glamorizing pre-marital & unprotected sex really isn't a good idea. Sure I had sex before marriage, & I also have a dear friend who got pregnant our senior year in high school. I wasn't married when the Hubby & I got pregnant with our Princess, but I was in my 30's, he had already asked me to marry him & we both knew we were getting married & wanted to be together. My gf from HS, she was lucky. She had a Great support system, finished HS & went to college. Was a struggling single Mom for a looooong time & was blessed to find a great guy that she married a few years ago & her son graduated HS this year!

Finally why I am so bitter this couple is having another baby.....I know, I know I will probably get a bunch of comments after this blog (which when you think about it is really sad b/c people will bash me yet not comment on the other things I've said up till now....hmmmmmm). Anyway, I am so mad because this couple is very immature, both are in their mid-20's & she is very insecure when it comes to him being around other women & he is too worried he won't get head ever again if he stands up for himself & tells her to knock the jealousy off, but whines about her behind her back!. They have one child together & one that she was pregnant with when they met & married....we'll save that story for another day. These are friends that are all about appearance. You all have friends like that, the ones who have to have designers clothes, bags, expensive know what I'm talking about, I know you have a friend like that. They spend beyond their means, care more about buying new things for themselves than for their kids.

In a nutshell I guess I hurt because I can't have another child. I actually got the nerve to brooch this subject with the Hubby about a month ago. He got upset with me because I was crying for no reason, again.

Me: "Hey! I'm emotional you knew that before you married me! Those 2 little blue pills I take everyday don't make me happy & spit rainbows out my butt! They keep me from having panic attacks every 2 mins - got it! " (Hmmm maybe being bitchy was me being enough of my old self to end this conversation......hahahaha I'm NOT that lucky).

Hubby: "Well what's wrong then?"

Me: "I'm crying because we can NEVER have another baby & I want to have another baby!"

Hubby: tears well up in his eyes

Me: (damn it! I knew you would do this! This is why I cry & Don't tell you what's wrong)

Hubby: "Babe, we can't replace Robert."

Me: "I don't want to replace him. I could never replace him, but I want another baby."

Hubby: "You know we can't"

Me: "I know, that's why I am crying. I didn't want you to get that damn vasectomy. That's why I cried everyday from the time you made the appointment to do it!!"

Bitter? Why yes, yes I am about lots of things.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Are we still on a break?

I got some scary news last night. One of my friend's daughter was in the ER & of course my phone had crapped out on me earlier in the evening & had just charged back up so I had No Idea what time she actually sent the message. I send her a text, & ended up sleeping with my cell phone "just in case" she called. I then did something I had told myself I wasn't going to do; I prayed. As far as I am concerned God & I are still on a break when it comes to me, but I had to pray for my friend, her husband & their daughter.

Me: "Please God, I know we areon a break right now, but you have to be with K, J, & M. I can't bear to have them go through anything close to what I am dealing with. So, if you could please make sure M is OK & that K & J know everything will be OK. Thanks."
I didn't even wait for an answer.....I pulled the sheets over my head & tried to go to sleep.

My little Princess woke the Hubby & I up this morning "Daddy. DADDY!!!!! Can you put TV on for me? PLEEEEEEASE!" Daddy just rolled over & snored.....guess I'm getting up. I got out of bed put the TV on & stumble back into bed. I hadn't slept well & wasn't felling all that good on top of everything. About an hour later I got up, fed the kids & called K. She didn't answer her phone. OK that could be good or bad.......please let it be good, you know like they were up late at the ER & are home now sleeping after a long night. PLEEEEEEEASE! (hey it works for Princess B, why can't I try, right?)

I go about my day, worried. Worried about little M. Worried that since technically God & I are still on a break my prayer had gone right to his voicemail & he'd get to it later. Ugh! Then finally my phone rings "oh you so crazy. she's like baby. I'm like Swayze. I said ewww & I'm burning up so let's turn it up. I said turn it up now......" I dive across the living room & grab my phone before NKOTB get to finish "Dirty Dancing".

Me: "Hello?"
K : "we're home.........M's OK....."
Me: "Oh thank GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sunday, August 2, 2009


 /ˌænəˈvɜrsəri/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [an-uh-vur-suh-ree] Show IPA noun, plural -ries, adjective
1. the yearly recurrence of the date of a past event: the tenth anniversary of their marriage.
2. the celebration or commemoration of such a date.
3. wedding anniversary
4. returning or recurring each year; annual.
5. pertaining to an anniversary: an anniversary gift. Abbreviation: anniv.

Word Origin & History "anniversary"
c.1230, from L. anniversarius "returning annually," from annus "year" (see annual) + versus, pp. of vertere "to turn" (see versus). The adj. came to be used as a noun in Church L. as anniversaria (dies) in ref. to saints' days.

So now that we all know what exactly anniversary means let's discuss. There are many different types of anniversaries, both happy & sad. I never took too much stock in anniversaries. Of course my hubby & I celebrate our anniversary every year, but I never really thought about the true importance of them until recently.
Last night I was lucky enough to get my 3 best girlfriends down to my house for a BBQ. We had such a great time, eating, drinking, laughing, talking, & reminiscing. You know what they say about good food, good friends, good times (somebody says something like that right?!) It is so true with us. We get together & the good times always roll! One of the many things we discussed was anniversaries. My oldest (she's actually the youngest, but I have know her the longest. And she likes to constantly remind me the I am actually the oldest of the group!!) BFF asked us all what we considered our anniversaries our first date with our partner/husbands or when we got married. My hubby & I celebrate both. Our wedding anniversary is 4 days before our fist date anniversary. My other BFF said that they sometimes celebrate both, but know when both were. My third best girl said that her & her partner use the first time they "did the deed" as their anniversary. Oldest BFF then posed the dilemma that her & her current GF are having, they don't have an anniversary. We all looked at them like they had 4 heads & all responded at the same time "how do you guys NOT have an anniversary?!?!?" What, what, What??

That got me thinking about how many anniversaries that I have coming up. A few big ones I don't know how I will get through. Remember a few blogs back how I talked about God & I taking a break.....yeah we're still in that break. Part of the reason for that break is because there is one "anniversary" that I have to relive every week. I was getting me & the kids ready for church when I found Robert dead in his crib. Just the idea of going back to church sends me into a panic. The second Sunday of the month is always the worse. December 14, 2008 was the second Sunday of the month; PJ Day at church.

Another anniversary that is coming way to quickly is what would be Robert's 2nd birthday. I get anxious just at the mention of birthday party. Last year we had a huge party for the kids Bri turned 4, Robert turned 1 & Daddy was home from Iraq to celebrate his 33rd birthday. what a Great day it was. Robert slept through most of the party. How I have no idea. As usual, it was the hottest day in September & I had way too many people crammed into my way too small 3 bedroom rancher. As his Big Sis opened all her gifts, all the kids were screaming & carrying on the way they do at parties, our little Bubby slept through all the excitement. As the last guest left, Bubby woke up. He had missed opening his presents, missed having his little personal Mickey Mouse cake, missed all the fun that is a birthday party. What I didn't realize at the time was we had an even more special 1st birthday than I could ever had planned. We had dinner, just the 5 of us & then we took off Robert's Mickey Mouse Clubhouse tee & gave him his cake. I'll never forget how happy Bubby was to have his cake in our quiet kitchen,long after all the hoopla was over.

Don't even get me started with all the other anniversaries that are coming soon. I try not to think about them. I'm sure you'll read all about it soon enough. Blogging has become my free therapy sessions. So I guess our time is up for this session. See you next time!