Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Bitter ~ Party of One

I had 2 other really good blogs in mind for today; one was very warm & fuzzy about my 3 BFF's & the other about my nephew,but all that changed a few minutes ago when I found out someone I know is pregnant again. Yeah, yeah, I should be happy for them & I actually have three other friends that are pregnant right now that I am sooo incredibly happy for, but this one, well it just boils my blood. There I admit it, I am PISSED, MAD, probably even Jealous that this couple is having another baby. Why do I feel this way, other than the fact that I cannot have another baby short of us winning tonight's Power Ball to pay for my Hubby's vasectomy reversal & fertility treatments or a miracle from God (& since we are still technically on that break I don't see THAT happening anytime soon!) - this could take a while, so grab a cup of coffee, or like me an Adult Beverage and read on........

I am really struggling with people who have kids that, well shouldn't. Kinda like the Octomom. Have you seen her "preview" on the web about her new reality show. She finally admits she is selfish & was only thinking about herself when she had all of her embryos implanted. Wasn't thinking about her older children, how they would be affected, or even the babies she was carrying!!!

I also have a BIG problem with Dr. Drew's Mtv show "16 & Pregnant." Now I have never watched it, but I am sorry paying a high school sophomore to be followed around during their pregnancy & glamorizing pre-marital & unprotected sex really isn't a good idea. Sure I had sex before marriage, & I also have a dear friend who got pregnant our senior year in high school. I wasn't married when the Hubby & I got pregnant with our Princess, but I was in my 30's, he had already asked me to marry him & we both knew we were getting married & wanted to be together. My gf from HS, she was lucky. She had a Great support system, finished HS & went to college. Was a struggling single Mom for a looooong time & was blessed to find a great guy that she married a few years ago & her son graduated HS this year!

Finally why I am so bitter this couple is having another baby.....I know, I know I will probably get a bunch of comments after this blog (which when you think about it is really sad b/c people will bash me yet not comment on the other things I've said up till now....hmmmmmm). Anyway, I am so mad because this couple is very immature, both are in their mid-20's & she is very insecure when it comes to him being around other women & he is too worried he won't get head ever again if he stands up for himself & tells her to knock the jealousy off, but whines about her behind her back!. They have one child together & one that she was pregnant with when they met & married....we'll save that story for another day. These are friends that are all about appearance. You all have friends like that, the ones who have to have designers clothes, bags, expensive know what I'm talking about, I know you have a friend like that. They spend beyond their means, care more about buying new things for themselves than for their kids.

In a nutshell I guess I hurt because I can't have another child. I actually got the nerve to brooch this subject with the Hubby about a month ago. He got upset with me because I was crying for no reason, again.

Me: "Hey! I'm emotional you knew that before you married me! Those 2 little blue pills I take everyday don't make me happy & spit rainbows out my butt! They keep me from having panic attacks every 2 mins - got it! " (Hmmm maybe being bitchy was me being enough of my old self to end this conversation......hahahaha I'm NOT that lucky).

Hubby: "Well what's wrong then?"

Me: "I'm crying because we can NEVER have another baby & I want to have another baby!"

Hubby: tears well up in his eyes

Me: (damn it! I knew you would do this! This is why I cry & Don't tell you what's wrong)

Hubby: "Babe, we can't replace Robert."

Me: "I don't want to replace him. I could never replace him, but I want another baby."

Hubby: "You know we can't"

Me: "I know, that's why I am crying. I didn't want you to get that damn vasectomy. That's why I cried everyday from the time you made the appointment to do it!!"

Bitter? Why yes, yes I am about lots of things.

1 comment:

  1. So many {{hugs}}. I can't imagine being in your shoes. =( FWIW, you're an excellent and expressive have very difficult things to say, but my eyes roll right into every sentence and I can read your personality, I think we'd be friends IRL! Again, so sorry about dear Robert. Rachel (simbarel from pp)