Thursday, June 18, 2009

Life Goes On.....

Someone had the Nerve to say that to me today. "Life does go on." Is it the same life, absolutely NOT. My life turned upside down 6 months ago. Do you know what I did 2 weeks before Christmas of 2008? I had to go to the mall with my best friend & Robert's Godmother to pick out something to bury my son in. Make decisions that no mother should have to make. Make decisions by myself because my husband had to leave the room because he couldn't handle it any more. Life goes on; decisions have to be made. Was I happy about it, Hell No! Did I do it? Yes, if I didn't who would?

My husband is in the military. In April 2007 he got orders to spend 12 months on Iraq. I was 3 months pregnant with Robert at the time. We had just bought our 1st home a few weeks earlier. From the moment he told me he was going to war I started to plan my husband's funeral. Why you ask? Because I am realistic. I had to be prepared if the worst happened. Life goes on. 4,316 of our soldiers have given their life as of today for their country. They & their families know that is a possibility if you are in the military at this time. Everyday to I prayed "Please God, let him come home & meet his son." Maybe I should have been more specific.

Tomorrow I take my Princess to her end of year dance recital. Will I want to be there, not really. I'd rather spend it at my baby's grave, but will I take her to her recital with the biggest smile on my face, of course. Life goes on, right? All day I will think about Robert's funeral. How 6 months ago to the day, I had to stand for 2 1/2 hours in front on my sons small casket. Listen to my pastor give my 14 1/2 month old son's funeral. Then stand with my husband as we opened Robert's casket so I could cover him snugly with a blanket. Kiss him one last time & watch 4 of our dear friends in their Military dress uniforms carry my baby to the hearse. Life goes on.......

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